Reflective

I have a bit of the flu.  Being pregnant (22 weeks), I cannot take much of anything for my symptoms, so instead I spend more time than usual sitting around and thinking.  I saw a quote that read, "At any given moment you have the power to say--this is not how the story is going to end."  While reading those words, my memory took me to a classroom Florida when I was in 9th grade.  My health teacher was telling the class statistics.  She said something to the effect of, 'if you're obese as a teenager, you have a (insert crazy-high percentage here) of being obese as an adult' and 'if both parents are obese, you have a (insert crazy-high percentage here) of your children also being obese.

I remember my heart sinking.

So discouraging to hear.  I felt like I was doomed to failure and that nothing I was doing or could do in the future would change these statistics.  From the age of 10 or so, I would look in the bathroom mirror and say awful things to myself about how I was repulsive...not just ugly, repulsive.  My entire family all seemed half my size and I didn't understand how I was so unlucky.  I wallowed in this feeling of how much I hated how I felt about myself.  And now to hear that it was my future?  And possibly my children's future?  I was overwhelmed with intense grief that lasted only a few minutes.

Just after these thoughts raced through my mind, I had a resolve burning inside me.  I can remember this moment like it was yesterday.  Determined to not be a statistic and to take charge of my own destiny.  I have never looked back since.

I have been in my ideal weight range for nearly 10 years and hear all the time how healthy my children are and how they love their fruits and vegetables.  It's hard to put into words the gratitude I feel for that teacher and that moment that changed my life.  I had previously felt victimized by my circumstances and that mind shift--to being in charge of my actions--has ballooned into several aspects of my life.  I am forever grateful.